he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
