I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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