I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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