We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
