Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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