also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
