He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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