Ambien. No doubt about it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
