FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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