handjob tips. give me some.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
