What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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