it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
