I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
