capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
