we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
