I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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