So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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