There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
