I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We need to get me chipped asap
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
