I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
