I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
