see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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