FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
