It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
