i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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