she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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