wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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