its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
