so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
