When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
