"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
