No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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