When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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