you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
