When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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