Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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