i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
