In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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