maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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