i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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