im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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