wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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