You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
