Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
