planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
