Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
