No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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