I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
