Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
