we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
