Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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