A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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