idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
