i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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