She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
