So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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