Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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