Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My breasts were aching with rage.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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